“Girl, all I ever wanted to do was let go: stumble, grumbling, drunk on my own juices. Spread my thighs two nations wide. It’s funny how popular you get when your business is falling all over yourself, when your schtick is snatching rattles, wallets, cameras, whatever’s around,” Niagara Falls hisses one night, when I find myself in town. “Now, my name is known by newlyweds and bachelors alike, my sloth is franchised, recklessness advertised as entertainment. Put a penny in my mouth and I’ll grind a souvenir version out – American, Canadian, whichever currency is handy – so randy you’ll need to wear a raincoat when you come near.”
I know a true hedonist when I hear one, but I can’t relate. Born of beings who, too, never knew embarrassment, bacchanal-bred in a house full of guns and confetti, I grew to be the cleaner-upper, morning husher of embers hot in the fireplace all night. I don’t know what nonchalance feels like, those lazylays on scenic horizons. I’m always on guard, a connoisseur of armor, at the perfect temperature in an airtight container. I wear mosquito netting to the grocery store, don’t open the door for anyone short of the police or Elvis, don’t collect the mail without wearing a barrel, don’t pummel, don’t know how it feels to be pummeled. I shy from precipices, hazards brash and shiny. You know, every fall begins with curiosity.
Every undoing begins with intrigue: ask the boxcar jumper, the organ-grinder, the ice cream truck driver, those who’ve watched a soggy decade spring from a weekend fling. I’m comfortable on dry land, don’t need to throw my heart into a lake to know the splash it would make. I’ll never court brute force, can’t imagine managing a violence so safe that people come in droves to let lick their children’s faces, so steady it seems quaint. I will never spawn such bawdy superfluity, such abandon, enough to power a city.
Interview With the Monument was first published in Litro, November 18, 2022
Jessica Manack holds degrees from Hollins University and lives with her family in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Her writing has recently appeared in Maudlin House, Five South and Peregrine. She is a recipient of a 2022 Curious Creators Grant.
Table Rock, Niagara by Edward Ruggles, 1867. Image courtesy of the Library of Congress
ALL hail to thee, Niagara ! Monarch thou,
Before whose echoing thunders, every sound
Shrinks tearfully away ! The pilgrim heart
Bowing in deepest homage at thy shrine,
Trembles, and sinks in fear ! The admiring eye,
Pressed by thy startling grandeur, droops in tears :
And the frail lyre that would its sweetest strains
Invoke unto thy praise, alas ! grows dumb.
Bright as the stars ! thy mantle : and thy crown,
The circling bow wherewith He spans the heavens.
And thy cloud-shadowed feet, even stand as once
At Israel’s tent, thy glorious Maker’s stood :
Of whose great majesty and power sublime,
His hand hath formed thee evermore to speak !
Source: Wood. M. Elva. Songs of the Noon and Night. New York: D. Appleton & Co., 1866
Source: Kelsey, Richard. Niagara, Jephthah : Remarks Upon the Defence of Wessex by Alfred the Great, With Other Compositions in Verse and Prose. London: Brewster and West, 1848
I cannot vote for Thompson—
Just hear the reason why—
Because this new Dominion
Wants men who will not lie.
We want no two-faced member,
When treason lurks around ;
We want a true Canadian
That’s honest, upright, sound.
I cannot vote for Thompson,
His loyalty aint clean :
He forswore his allegiance
To England’s noble Queen.
I will not vote for Currie,
He’s nothing but a tool,
And gets his education
In the Globe’s disloyal school.
He’s helping Brown’s convention,
To organize new strife,
To aid the agitator
To start in public life.
I will not vote for Currie,
His eyes are set behind,
And he cannot look before him,
To see what’s in the wind !
I will not vote for Thompson,
He’s crazy as a loon,
He’d make a splendid member
To represent the moon !
His stomach is enormous,
It never can be filled,
He eat Niagara Common,
Our railroad he has grilled.
He leased up all the farmers,
And still holds out his dish,
He swallowed half the river,
And he wanted all the fish !
I cannot vote for Currie,
He serves Dictator Brown,
Who sides with Reds and traitors,
Who hate the Queen and Crown.
I cannot vote his ticket,
He’s in the boat with Howe,
The foe of Federation
Who wants to raise a row.
His road is not a right one—
The Currie Road you see
He goes for Yankee Thompson,
And that’s enough tor me !
I’ll never vote for Thompson,
He wants to cut and carve,
He built himself a palace,
And let his workmen starve.
We’ll raise the British colours
And never turn our coat.
We’ll put in Angus Morrison
By every loyal vote !
We will not go for Thompson,
His promise never sticks.
We will not eat his pancakes,
Nor take his dirty bricks !
We will not vote for Currie,
He’s only fit to bark,
We’ll choose an honest farmer
Who is a man of mark.
He ploughs the Heights of Queenston,
He glories in their fame,
A loyal British Farmer,
And Robertson’s his name !
We’ll never vote for Thompson,
He took the Yankee oath,
We will not vote for Currie,
For HE seems nothing loath.
Come all ye Whigs and Tories,
Whatever your degree ;
Niagara Town and Township,
Now loyally agree !
We love Confederation ;
We hate mere faction fight,
We’ll back th’ Administration
So long as they do right !
For Morrison and Robertson,
We’ll man the union boat,
We’ll gloriously elect them
And never split a vote !
God save our new Dominion,
God save our noble Queen ;
We’re now the biggest nation,
America has seen.
We go for law and order,
We’ll squelsh both Howe and Brown.
We’ll support the constitution,
They shall never pull it down !
For Morrison and Robertson,
We’ll all throw off our coats
They are the people’s candidates,
And they shall have our votes !
Source: The Niagara Elector has no date, no author, and no publication information. This item can be found in the collections of Library and Archives Canada and full text on the Internet Archive
N.B. The correct spelling of “Thompson” as used in the poem is without the “p” – hence “Thomson”
This poem refers to the federal and provincial elections of 1867. In the federal election held from August 7 to September 20, 1867, in the Town of Niagara (current day Niagara-on-the-Lake) Conservative Angus Morrison defeated Liberal William Alexander Thomson 300 votes to 250 votes. In the provincial election of September 3, 1867, Conservative Donald Robertson defeated Liberal James Currie 302 votes to 254