Image courtesy of the Library of Congress
—No, no ! Not tonight, my Friend,
I may not, cannot go with you tonight.
And think not that I love you any less
Because this now I’d rather be alone.
My heart is strangely torn ; unwonted thoughts
Have so infused themselves into my mind
That altogether there is wrought in me
A sort of hapless mood, whose phantom power
Born perhaps of my own fantasies
Has ta’en me. By its subtle spell
I’m wooed and changed from what’s my natural self.
I am so possessed I can but wish
For nothing else save this and solitude.
If in companionship I sought relief
Yours indeed would be the first I’d seek.
There is none other whom I so esteem,
None who quite so perfect understands.
Your presence always is a soothing balm,
—Ne’er failing me when troubled. But tonight,
Forgive me, Friend—I’d rather be alone.
Leave me, let me with myself commune.
Presently if no change come, I shall go
Stand in the shadowed gorge, or where the moon
Throws her silver on the rippling stream,
List to the sounding cataract’s thundering fall,
Or hark to spirit voices in the wind.
For methinks sometimes that these strange moods
Are heaven-sent us by the jealous God
Who’d thus remind us that no human love
Can fully satisfy the longing heart :
Perhaps an intimation sent to souls
That he would speak somewhat, or nearer draw.
Therefore I’ll to Him. Talking waters, stars,
The moon and whispering trees shall make me wise
In what it is He’d have my spirit know.
And Nature singing from the earth and sky
Shall fill me with such peace, that in the morn
I’ll be the gay glad self you’ve always known.
Urge me no further, now you understand.
A nobler friend than you none ever knew—
But not this time. Tonight I’ll be alone ;
And if from moonlit valley God should speak,
Or in the tumbling waters sound a call,
Or whisper in the sighing of the wind,
He’ll find me with an undivided heart
Patient waiting to hear ; but Friend,—alone.
Source: Kerlin, Robert T. Negro Poets and Their Poems. Washington: Associated Publishers, 1923
An abbreviated version of this poem (starting with the line “List to the sounding cataract’s thundering fall,”) was published in R. Nathaniel Dett. The Album of a Heart, 1911. View the 1911 version
The longer version of the poem was also published in Beatrice F. Wormley and Charles W. Carter An Anthology of Negro Poetry by Negroes and Others, 1937.
In the 1937 version:
- “now” on line 4 has been changed to “night”
- ” changed” on line 11 has been changed to “charged”
- the last lines
“Or in the tumbling waters sound a call,
Or whisper in the sighing of the wind,
He’ll find me with an undivided heart
Patient waiting to hear ; but Friend,—alone.”has been changed to:
“Or in the tumbling waters of the wind.
He’ll find me with an undivided heart
Patient waiting to hear ; but Friend,—alone”
‘Your presence is a soothing bond’.
An appropriate description of Niagara Falls.
The line “Your presence is a soothing balm” is written to a beloved “Friend”, rather than the Falls itself. It’s someone the poet values deeply, but still turns away from, “needing to be alone tonight.”
Read one way, it’s about solitude and spiritual renewal in nature. But read another way, it speaks to something urgent in our own time.
Someone torn by a “hapless mood.”
Someone withdrawing from even their most trusted companion.
Someone promising to be “gay glad” tomorrow, though the weight tonight feels heavy.
That can be the language of depression. Even the language of suicide risk.
So while the poem is a work of art, it is also a reminder; check in on your friends and loved ones. Even the people who seem strong, soothing, or full of life can be carrying pain they don’t share openly.
❤️
Makes me think of all the people who choose the falls rather than a slower end. It’s way more popular than reported.
There are times to be alone, times we want to be alone, and times we need each other, even when we want to be alone and head down to the waters edge to commune with the Gods.
Check in on your friends, family and neighbours everyone.