Category: Doggerel

The Diagnosis by Vaughn G. Hannington

hannington
Cover of Rube Goldberg’s comic book Mike & Ike (They Look Alike)


(Doctor says dreams will often disclose the nature of an ailment.)

Rube Goldberg’s Mike and Ike arose 
One morning from their sleep. 
Although Ike seemed contented,
Poor Mike was prone to weep .
Said he, “Dear Ike, there’s trouble here.“ 
(And rubbed his swollen pate.)
“I tell you it is terrible,
The dreams I’ve had of late!
All night I dream of ocean waves, 
From which I shrink in fright. 
A million angry breakers, Ike, 
Were chasing me last night! 
Whene’er my sleep is broken with 
A shriek or piercing yell,
It’s just because I’m dreaming then 
Of falling down a well.
Last night I thought Niag’ra Falls 
Pursued me down the street— 
And I was making frightened cries 
Too awful to repeat;
I dreamed of streams and cataracts,
And then I dreamed of rain—”
**********************************
Said Ike, “I know what ails you, Mike— 
It’s WATER ON THE BRAIN !“

Source: Henry Harrison.  Infunitive and Other Moods, by Henry Harrison : With Twenty Poems, by Vaughn G. Hannington. New York, Melomime Publications, Inc. [c1923]

According to the prologue, Henry Harrison was 19 years old when this book was published. He refers to Hannington as “young Mr. Hannington”

 Read about Goldberg’s Mike and Ike

 

Niagara by Timothy

timothy
Two ladies posing in front of a Niagara Falls backdrop, one with an umbrella. Image courtesy of Niagara Falls Public Library

There’s nothing (saving six,) great blustering Fall,
Thou may’st not to the fancy’s sense recall,
A drove of bleating, wooly-coated sheep,
Each other chasing in a headlong leap ;
The flaunting flounces of a dancing rout :
A cask of whiskey with the head knocked out ;
A stormy fury, jealous of her spouse,
Smashing the total crockery of the house ;
The frothy bombast of some learned dunce ;
Ten thousand bawling children whipt at once ;
A city’s soap-suds on a washing  day,
Or rowdy hubbubs of a drunken fray ;
     The present times, so meatless—’ out of joint,’
Or breakfast cascades, off rough Judith’s point,

Oh may the spray that flusters o’er thy water,
Making a fuss much greater than it oughter,
There spend its rage, nor shower upon the hills,
To wet those natives who’ve no umberills !

Source: Geneva Courier, August 16, 1842

At head of poem: “Our Tim has left at the Falls the following.”  This note and the tone of the poem suggests that Timothy may have written this poem in the Table Rock Album, kept at Table Rock House in Niagara Falls, Ontario. There is no other information identifying Timothy.

Click here to see other poems in the Table Rock Album.

Also published in The Ovid Bee, August 10, 1842

Untitled by Anonymous as Reported by X.Y.

x.y.
Niagara Falls From Goat Island, 1857
Print by Currier & Ives. Courtesy of the Library of Congress

Niagara Falls are a wonderful scene,
Regularly calculated to make the mind serene ;
With their mighty dash and tremendous spray,
They roll and they roll, repeatedly every day !”

**********************************************

These Falls have never been congealed completely,
In this, weak men are agreed, neatly!

Source: X. Y. “Poetry of Young America.” The Massachusetts Teacher and Journal of Home and School Education 10, no. 2 (1857): 89–90. http://www.jstor.org/stable/45023974.

The identity of X.Y. is unknown.

Untitled by Capting Ralph Stackpole

table
The title page of the Table Rock Album

 

‘Tis did—my braggin’ days is o’er,
I’ll brag of old SALT* now no more.
The look of pride which once I wore
Is gone, alas! my heart are tore ;
The proud, firm footstep, mine of yore
Are gone now, too, gone ; my eyes is sore,
And little scaldin’ tears does pour,
When I does think that old SALT’S roar,
Was made “considerable” lower,
Even at this very door.

*Salt River

Signed Capting Ralph Stackpole of Salt River.

Source: Table Rock Album and Sketches of the Falls and Scenery Adjacent. Buffalo: Steam Press of Thomas and Lathrops, copyright by Jewett, Thomas & Co.,1856c.1848

Untitled by Anonymous

table
The title page of the Table Rock Album

I came to see ;
I thought to write ;
I am but ——— dumb.

Source: Holley, George W., ed.  The Falls of Niagara.  Baltimore: A.C. Armstrong & Son, 1883

Originally from The Table Rock Albums. Click to see the Table of Contents on this site.