Staring at the water Beside the top of Niagara Falls Thinking about throwing myself in.
My sister is visiting and I am exhausted by Pretending I don’t want to die Which makes me want death more.
I imagine my body smashing against the rocks Or Being pummelled under by the water.
I see my Fat Bald Sad Body Floating down the river On its back Disgusting the other Fat Bald Sad Bodies that stand looking at geography In this trash town As if it means redemption.
I stop myself By thinking What if I become a ghost.
What if In this horrible world Of horrible horrors The punishment for suicide Is an eternity on Earth?
I step away from the edge And tell no one How close I was To jumping.
Itisindeedafearfulthing, ….Amomentweshallne’erforget, Tostandwheree’entheeagle’swing ….Hasneverdaredtoventureyet; Tomarkthevolumedvaporwhite ….Rollupasfromamightyaltar, Andfeeluponthatdizzyhight ….Theeternalrockbeneathusfalter, Whilethousandrainbowsfadeandflash ….O’erthecrash’dwatersastheyflow, Andfromourveryfootstepscrash ….Inmistandthunderfarbelow, ToknowthattilltheAlmightyhand ….Shall “rolltogetherasascroll” Theutmostvergeofseaandland, ….Thatmightystreamshallfoamandfall; That when our puny frames forgot ….In death shall sleep full many a year,
Then other eyes shall hail this spot ….And gaze as we are gazing here.
G.W. Cutter Image from his Poems and Fugitive Pieces
FARwestward,wherethesunlightgleams O’errockydellandrollingstreams; O’erforestsboundlesstotheeye, Andmountainsblendingwiththesky: O’erlakes,whosemorethanoceanblue Fadeintheheavens’ recedinghue; Orkindledwiththesummer’sray, Flashwiththebrightexcessofday; Orripplingontheirsnowyshore, Afloodofsparklingdiamondspour; Orlash’dbeneaththetempest’swing, Skywardtheirfoamingbillowsfling; Orroundtheshelvinggranitecurl’d, Asiftheybattledwiththeworld, Withdeaf’ningroarallmadlysweep Theearthquakethundersofthedeep; Buteverastheirwarringwaves Thedemonofthestormenslaves, Sinkbackandsmileinslumber’schain Asiftheyne’ercouldwakeagain; Socalm,thesighwouldbreaktheirrest Thatheavesthesleepinginfant’sbreast; Orforththeirdeviousjourneytake, Tominglewithsomesisterlake: Andburstingfromtheirboundsforever, Majesticflowagiantriver; Thensofttheircurvingshoresstealby, Astwilightfadesfromsummersky, Aszephyrso’erthevernallea, Asmoonlighto’erthetranquilsea— Twiningonthro’endlessranks Oftreesthatshadetheirslopingbanks; Ordroopinginthecrystalwave, Their green andsunnyfoliagelave; Whilemanyanisleoffairyhue Withsoftenchantmentblendstheview. Thusflowtheyonfromwesttoeast Theirstrengthrenew’d,theirstoreincreased; Tilllinkbylinkstupendouscurl’d, Theirchainembraceshalftheworld; Andthusfrommanyadistantshore AthousandfloodstoEriepour ; Whereminglingseastogetherfled, Inmorethanoceangrandeurspread: TofairOntario’sbosomblue, Combinedtheironwardcoursepursue; Withstrengththepowersofearthtobrave— Niagara’s eternalwave—
In calmandbroadmeanderingsstray, Tillmountainrampartsbartheirway; Thenwildlywakestheirslumberingmight, Thenupwardsdashtheirbillowswhite, Thenwavesonwavesredoublingpour, Andrushalongthegraniteshore; Tillmanmusttrembletobehold Theirstrengthsublimetogetherroll’d, Andfromthemountain’sawfulcrown Inonevastoceanthunderingdown; Theearthaghast,themountainsriven, Themistshroudswreakinguptoheaven, Whilethousandstartlingechoesswell Themutter’dthunderswheretheyfell. Itisasiffromheavenwashurl’d Theponderousruinsofaworld, Andjarringwiththeirmightyforce Afloodofplanetsfromtheircourse, Andallinonevastcurrenthigh Rush’ddarklingdownthebreathlesssky.
Down, down the dark green water flows,
Till boiling eddies o’er them close ;
While o’er their foam that rolls below,
Gleams forth the many – colored bow,
And rivals with its beauteous dyes
That prism glory of the skies.
While shiver’d rocks that nod around,
With plumes of pine and cedar crown’d,
Frown ‘neath their shades of living green
A solemn grandeur o’er the scene.
But hold ! the muse’s starward flight
Falls to the dust in pale affright ;
Drops from her hand the golden lyre ;
All chilly grow her robes of fire,
The mist in clouds above her meet,
The earth is trembling ‘ neath her feet,
Forgets her high immortal powers,
In silence trembles and adores .
Horseshoe Falls from Goat Island With Man Standing on Terrapin Point Boardwalk, c.1885 Photo by George Barker. Image courtesy of The Library of Congress